RIP Raymond

Dear Aunt Linda, Kelly, Ray and Laura-

In the midst of this difficult time and the swirl of emotions that each of you is traversing, I wanted to briefly reach out and let you know how much I admired and appreciated Raymond. In many ways, he epitomized for me what it meant to be a self-made man (a few times over even). From humble beginnings, and equipped with enviable ethics and values instilled by Oneil and Agnes, he forged his way in the world, fearlessly from what I could tell from a distance. While most of the family stayed close to home, Raymond, and you with him, ventured out. I remember a backyard swimming pool in Dallas, a mini-farm in Lafayette, a historic home in Gulfport, and exotic globe-trotting vacations. All these exploits of a sharecropper's son inspired me.

I also admired his sense of duty and commitment to family. As the eldest sibling, he looked out for the others. The story I remember is that when O.J. joined him at LSU, Raymond arranged a job for him at one of the cafeterias so he could be assured of eating. I remember his moving eulogy at Agnes' funeral. Of course you know all of this and so much more. I simply feel compelled to let you know that I grieve with you, and that I love and respect Raymond Landry. He was a good man. A good son. A good brother. A good husband. A good father. A good grandfather. A good uncle. And I count myself fortunate for having him, and each of you, in my family, and as an influence and aspiration in my life. Peace.

Of Dads and Daughters...

I consider myself fairly well-read and informed. As my kids headed into puberty, I thought I knew what to expect. And with my son, the elder, that was certainly true. He and I navigated the tidal wave of hormones, bodily changes and burgeoning sexuality with relative ease. In his case, puberty served to settle his anxiety and mitigate some of his overreactions to stress. Surely, my daughter, who's historically been the easier to parent, would be even easier to transit through the troubled waters of prepubescence.  I could not be more wrong.

Virtually overnight, I was confronted with a surly, temperamental and downright rude doppelganger who seemed to delight in taking oppositional positions just for entertainment. Gone was the sweet child who would seek out my lap for respite. Gone were the hugs. Gone were the "I love you"s.

I was left stunned and reeling. After a few weeks of flailing around and feeling personally hurt by some of her new behaviors, I realized we need to seek to re-level things she and I. Her transition through puberty is very different than my son's and I need to adjust my expectations and parenting style to accommodate. There's a strong foundation between us that is revealed in more relaxed moments and I want to ensure that we emerge stronger from this experience.

Whereas my son was eager for the changes that come with male puberty- becoming stronger, more manly- my daughter's mindset is completely different. Her attitude is one of trepidation and uncertainty. Her anxieties about her body image and academic abilities have increased notably as she enters middle school. All of this is, of course, expected and predictable, but I've been blindsided by the rapid onset and magnitude of the changes in attitude and behavior.

There is much advice and counsel to be found for the concerned parent. But, as with most guidance, actually finding what works takes a good bit of trial and error. I've resigned myself to having to deal with a bit of attitude from her as I recommit myself to modeling good behavior and maintaining a meaningful connection while coming to terms with her new demands for independence and responsibility.

Wish us luck.

How to Move to Canada: A Discontented American's Guide to Canadian Relocation

My amazing ex-brother-in-law had a book released recently. It's quite a fun read and I'm so impressed with his creativity and his ability to evolve.
https://www.amazon.com/dp/1492647330/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_tai_2t-fyb7PQ0GXY

I've given up trying to keep up with my kids. I've lost them to the vortex of adolescence. They are traversing the dark side of the moon. We will attempt to reestablish radio contact when they emerge.