Of Dads and Daughters...

I consider myself fairly well-read and informed. As my kids headed into puberty, I thought I knew what to expect. And with my son, the elder, that was certainly true. He and I navigated the tidal wave of hormones, bodily changes and burgeoning sexuality with relative ease. In his case, puberty served to settle his anxiety and mitigate some of his overreactions to stress. Surely, my daughter, who's historically been the easier to parent, would be even easier to transit through the troubled waters of prepubescence.  I could not be more wrong.

Virtually overnight, I was confronted with a surly, temperamental and downright rude doppelganger who seemed to delight in taking oppositional positions just for entertainment. Gone was the sweet child who would seek out my lap for respite. Gone were the hugs. Gone were the "I love you"s.

I was left stunned and reeling. After a few weeks of flailing around and feeling personally hurt by some of her new behaviors, I realized we need to seek to re-level things she and I. Her transition through puberty is very different than my son's and I need to adjust my expectations and parenting style to accommodate. There's a strong foundation between us that is revealed in more relaxed moments and I want to ensure that we emerge stronger from this experience.

Whereas my son was eager for the changes that come with male puberty- becoming stronger, more manly- my daughter's mindset is completely different. Her attitude is one of trepidation and uncertainty. Her anxieties about her body image and academic abilities have increased notably as she enters middle school. All of this is, of course, expected and predictable, but I've been blindsided by the rapid onset and magnitude of the changes in attitude and behavior.

There is much advice and counsel to be found for the concerned parent. But, as with most guidance, actually finding what works takes a good bit of trial and error. I've resigned myself to having to deal with a bit of attitude from her as I recommit myself to modeling good behavior and maintaining a meaningful connection while coming to terms with her new demands for independence and responsibility.

Wish us luck.